When asked to write my story for a newsletter and social media for a recovery community organization, I was positive it couldn’t possibly fit. I grew up in an alcohol fueled home, my dad died at 8 crushed under a car he was working on. He was everything to me and back then it was me, my little sister, and my mom. I eventually gained 2 little brothers with a new stepdad who was my deceased father’s “friend” that negatively impacted our lives. I grew up hard and abused until I could no longer feel physical pain. I’d sneak beers or shots of anything not glued down and started smoking pot at 10 because my stepdad was a grower. I battled through school enduring constant fights, gun play, and people dying. I found LSD at a young age dropped extreme amounts of liquid daily while smoking weed. It gave me the temporary peace I thought I needed, but I was still angry. I got kicked out of every school I went to, not for lack of being smart, school was easy, people were not. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, bi- polar disorder, severe depression, PTSD then was dosed up heavily by the mental health system. I was the poor kid with shitty clothes, so I’d steal good ones. I learned to take what I wanted, but I was raised by men that taught me a skewed perspective of solid work ethic…so now hustle and hard work meet, and I find my way into selling and doing meth.
Meanwhile alcohol is running thru my veins. I have a son but I’m selfish and I want more, more, and more…I go to prison not once, not twice, but 4 times. Life on the installment plan all fueled by my poor me entitled crap and copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. I thought I deserved this because of my actions and I deserve to get this because my lack of ability to show up for my family the way they deserved. I have a daughter and she shows me that my perspective was shit. 20 years I spent that way!
Today I’m sober, 10 months so far! I’ve realized that I’m thoroughly embarrassed by who I was, and I’ve made positive changes, hard decisions, and developed armor. I’ve found solace in introspection, through reaching out to people that have walked my path, and by dealing with my thoughts and feelings. I’ve become grateful for my life, what I’ve changed and built out ofsomething that was for the lack of a better word “trash”. Do I resent how I got here? Not at all! I built myself into this awesome guy writing this to inspire others that have walked my path…I look in the mirror now every morning and know I did this. I climbed out of the pit of addiction. I had a lot of help but ultimately my choices brought me to where I’m at currently, by changing my perspective, addressing my insanity and not hiding from it! I live it daily and my perspectives became highly adaptable through therapy, grumpiness, good peers, awesome teachers and guides who believe in me.
I’ve gathered my arsenal of weapons that make me who I am now. I plan to share those tools that have helped me. Do I know exactly how I do it? Nope, not really, but I don’t care how. Why I do this is far more important to my path, my family, my sanity, my character and my nobility at its finest. I’m loyal to my recovery, I find honor and resilience in every decision I make, and in every moment I am mindful. I’m blessed beyond belief and know that this is just the beginning. Beautiful things are on the horizon and I’m up for every sunrise.