My name is Ryan and I have been in Recovery since February 2015 and sober since October 2015.
My biggest achievement by far is having escaped the need to get high or drink. Sometimes, I still want to use, but I know that I won’t ever again, and I still haven’t nearly six years later. It’s hard to say that this is MY biggest achievement, because I’m really not sure what I did to make this happen. One moment I was angry as could be; at god, life, and anybody who got in my way, and the next, I knew deep down that God had a plan for me in my life and that the path I was searching for was right in front of my face the entire time. I just had decided that it wasn’t going to work for me without giving it a real shot.
It’s hard to summarize the spiraling shame that led up to it or why it is so clear, but my lowest point in addiction was being blacked out in a random person’s car when I came too and started freaking out. I screamed “Who are you”!? at the man, and he screamed back “Ryan I am your father!” and what I felt in that moment was hard to explain. It wasn’t shame, but like knowing that I had strayed from my path. I knew at that moment that my family was worried and afraid of what my future might hold. I blacked out again, but even though I was blacked out I still remember that moment so clearly.
Service for me looks like being good to myself and others. It could be running errands for my mom, or just being nice, but I do what I can when I get the opportunity. I also take care of myself because without taking care of myself, I cannot take care of others either. Occasionally I meet someone who is in the middle of addiction and I am able to offer advice only a recovering addict can give. I don’t usually hear back, but I know that my experiences will help someone one day, if not already